Life's Little Yoga Instruction Book (part three)

"Life's Little Yoga Instruction Book" is a spiritual journey through several contorted bodily positions, plus a voice of wisdom from a faraway land where mom is not someone to mess with.

Part Three: Warrior Pose 

Breath in. Extend your arms. Reach forward and backward at the same time. This is what I expect of you, because this is like people expect of you all the time. Reach backward. Reach forward. Get out of my way, I'm driving too fast while I talk on a cell phone and I haven't been watching for my exit. Slow down: no, speed up! Look ashamed when I honk my horn at you! Look ashamed!

Now breathe out. In yoga, we find peace. If you feel at peace, if you feel centered in your own spirit, you are ready to go out into the great bumper car race with other spirits that is life. This world is like an amusement park. It costs too much, it's crowded, you spend most of your time standing in line.

So you have to learn a certain dignity. Breathe in. Soon it will be time to speak from your chest, and say the mantra my mother taught me when I was young and she took me shopping to the market. Let the air rush through you as you repeat after me:

Real price kya hai?!? Discount? Discount? 

Now breathe out. That was great. That brings back memories. When I go home, I'm going to get on the phone to customer service. I'm going to talk to them like mom would, make them wish they'd never been born.