December Commies

The Commie Awards are given each month for the best comment on this blog. The monthly awards are the time for you, our reader-respondents, to shine. A special guest is chosen each month to present the award so the winner will feel extra-special.

After a month-long power struggle, we've finally...uh..."chosen" a guest presenter for the December award.



Before he was internationally infamous, our presenter looked like this: affable, business casual, and very proud of his own funny jokes. The kind of man you would like to have for a boss--if his pen name weren't Joseph Stalin.

The nominees for December are:

KP for disappearing during the month. Good choice.
Leon Trotsky for being a loser.
James Goldberg for failing to accept Soviet realism.
The Jews for involvement in various conspiracies.
Peter for his thoughts on the Apocalypse.

All the nominees have been killed, exiled, or ordered to be killed in exile.

And the winner of the December Commie Award is....



...Joseph Stalin!

A Jewish Conspiracy to Fuel This Blog

The Daily Telegraph, a British newspaper with a commitment to truth that rivals this blog's, recently published an article suggesting that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's parents may have had a Jewish last name before moving to Tehran.

I tend to take any such explosive rumors with a coarse grain of salt. I wasn't ready to believe this one until I did some research on Mahmoud's facebook page.

I thought I'd start with the "We're Related" application. His parents and grandparents weren't there, of course (probably because facebook is godless and doesn't believe ancestors matter)--but something telling was.

Yes, Mahmoud's relatives included three descendants of Mayer Rothschild (a Jew famous for establishing the 18th century's most formidable carrier pigeon network), a great-grandson of spectacle fashionista Leon Trotsky, and an elderly nephew of cigar aficionado Bugsy Siegel.


Even in the most degrading anti-communist
propaganda posters, Trotsky's glasses themselves
manage to look cool. That's what I call style.

Does this mean Mahomud does, in fact, have Jewish roots as the Daily Telegraph's report suggests?

In a word: yes. In two words: of course.

Does that, in turn, mean that in addition to Capitalism, Communism, Comic Books, Christianity, Las Vegas, the Media (through Zach Efron), this blog, and numerous other international conspiracies, Jews are secretly responsible for contemporary Holocaust denial?

Conspiracy Against My Childhood

The latest step in a broad conspiracy to rid the world of the pop culture figures who dominated my childhood continues. The latest victim is Gidget, best known as the Taco Bell Spokesdog of yesteryear, who passed away yesterday.


You have left us, Gidget, but will live
on forever in window wobblers and
other kitsch.

No word yet via facebook on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's reaction to this tragedy...I guess he doesn't feel this death as deeply as he did Michael Jackson's, for obvious reasons.

In any case, farewell Gidget. I may not always have quieroed Taco Bell as much as you were paid to want me to, but you will still be missed.