Coming Soon! A Zero-Cost Stimulus Plan

As many of you know, our government is occupying Iraq, Afghanistan, American Banks, and the Automotive Industry at an incredible cost while pumping money into the economy with the mad hope that someone will offer me a job this fall, thus averting a Goldberg family depression.

And yet businesses have been slow to respond. For some reason, they think that one-time tax breaks aren't a good reason to hire more people. It's almost as if our business leaders stayed awake during their math classes (which comes as quite a surprise to anyone who has ever taught math).

So, while a second Great Depression has apparently been diverted, an Average Depression persists, and the government is down to about -12 trillion dollars for further stimulus measures. This makes Barack Obama sad.


Someone may still be on the verge of a great depression...

How do we get companies to hire again without using taxpayer money?

I have an answer. Not a joke, not a lie, not a pointless video or a sarcastic comment, but a real, implementable, policy answer that, if implemented, would be guaranteed to raise employment significantly and almost immediately. So please--come back tomorrow and bring your Representative or Senator as we reveal the official, honest-to-goodness, zero-cost "My Life and Hard Times" Economic Stimulus Plan.